For some people, yes: sex or pornography use can become as compulsive as problem drinking or drug use. What decides it isn’t how often you do it, but the effect it’s having on your life.
Over the years I’ve noticed more and more men reaching out for support because they think they’re addicted to sex or pornography. But is this really a thing? Can you be addicted to sex or pornography in the same way you can to alcohol or drugs? It’s a question I wanted a proper answer to, so I spent a year in specialist training and gained a Diploma in Compulsive Sexual Behaviour and Addiction through The Laurel Centre.
What do we mean by “addiction”?
So, does it really exist? It partly comes down to what’s in a name, and how you define addiction. In fact, within the therapy profession, we’re moving away from the word “addiction” even for drugs and alcohol, tending to prefer “problem use disorder” to describe an increasingly problematic use of something, or some behaviour.
And it’s clear, from the people I meet, that some of them do have compulsive or problematic use of pornography or sex. The amount of time spent, or how often it happens, tells you less than the impact it’s having on your life.
A 2025 study pulled together data from more than 30,000 people across 22 pieces of research and found that around one in eight people report some level of problematic pornography use. If this is something you’re wrestling with, you’re in far more company than you might think.
Signs pornography or sex use might be becoming a problem
In my experience, some of the signs that pornography or sex use may be becoming a problem include:
- Repeated unsuccessful attempts to cut back or stop
- Spending much more time viewing porn than intended
- Neglecting work, relationships, or hobbies because of it
- Continuing despite the distress or problems it’s causing
- Feeling like you’ve lost control over the behaviour
When it isn’t a problem
Simply watching pornography or having sex regularly doesn’t mean someone has an addiction. What counts as “too much” varies from person to person. What matters is whether it’s causing distress or real problems in your life. I’ve helped many men reach a point where pornography or sex is no longer being used to an extent that causes them problems.
What’s really going on underneath
The focus of the therapy work is on what the sex or pornography is being used for. Often, people with compulsive sexual behaviour are using it to manage painful emotions like stress, anxiety, or fear, or to escape periods of deep boredom, emptiness, or loneliness.
How therapy can help
In therapy, the focus is on:
- Identifying the situations, emotions, or routines that trigger use
- Creating barriers, such as content blockers or limiting access during vulnerable times
- Replacing the habit with other rewarding activities
- Addressing the underlying issues — stress, loneliness, anxiety, or depression
A central part of the work is identifying feelings, and finding other ways to work with them that soothe rather than avoid. That makes them less likely to resurface in the same way.
This work isn’t about becoming celibate. The aim is a healthy relationship with sex, one that may or may not include pornography, but that stops causing you distress.
Shame, guilt and sexuality
Some men contact me convinced they’re “a sex or porn addict”, but what’s actually going on is shame or guilt about their behaviour, rather than a problem with the behaviour itself. The distress comes from how they feel about what they’re doing, not from what they’re doing.
Sometimes this happens because a partner has discovered their pornography use and made them feel ashamed of it. Sometimes it’s connected to fantasies, for example a man who identifies as heterosexual having fantasies about sex with other men, where the shame comes from what that seems to mean about him rather than from the fantasy itself.
My stance is clear: there’s nothing wrong with using pornography, or with different types of sexual expression, as long as it’s legal, consensual, and isn’t causing distress in your life. Some people even find pornography enhances their sex lives with their partner.
But if you’re doing something you really don’t want to be doing, once the shame or guilt has been let go of (and that can take real work), there may still be some compulsive behaviour worth looking at.
Common questions
Is watching porn every day a sign of addiction?
Not on its own. How often you watch pornography matters far less than what it’s doing to your life. It becomes worth looking at when it starts causing real distress, or getting in the way of work and relationships.
Do I have to give up pornography completely?
No, and that’s not the goal. This kind of therapy isn’t about giving up pornography or becoming celibate; it’s about reaching a place where sex, and pornography if it’s part of your life, doesn’t leave you distressed.
What’s really behind compulsive sexual behaviour?
Usually something other than sex itself. Compulsive sexual behaviour is often a way of managing difficult emotions, such as stress, anxiety, fear, boredom, or loneliness. Untangling that is usually where the therapy work begins.
Further reading
- Paula Hall, Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction, Routledge
- Silva Neves, Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: A Psycho-Sexual Treatment Guide for Clinicians, Routledge
If you think you might be experiencing problems with sex or pornography use, using the form below you’re welcome to book a free 15-minute introductory call to find out if I can help, and how.